Friends With NO Benefits

Did I just fuck up the future because of the past!? Or was there never a strong future in it for me and the single dad? A little bit of both perhaps.

We had a playdate yesterday, single dad and I talked last night after the kids were asleep. I opened myself up to whatever may happen. I spoke honestly and from my heart. I told him exactly what I wanted from our relationship (only because he asked me to) I opened myself up to be hurt. And that's what happened.

I want a trusting, authentic relationship, I want to be in love. I want to feel the passion and love that I've had in the past. I give people and situations chances where there is passion, love, kindness, caring or potential for any of that. He was honest too, so I'm not mad at him or anything but rather disappointed. He doesn't want any of that, at least not right now. He told me he feels broken, that he needs to put himself back together and that he doesn't trust women. Then he demanded that I go to the store and get him some stuff and that I should hurry back so we could fuck. He was not being sarcastic. WTF?!?! Bi-polar perhaps?

Completely emotionally unstable? I went to the store crying the whole way... and I called my love, the man from the past. The one whose passion and love is incomparable to anything I have ever felt. It may have been 5am where he was, but he picked up and talked to me and helped me calm down. We texted for a good half hour until single dad was so pissed that I'd been gone so long that he kept calling and calling and he knew that I had been talking and texting someone. He got really paranoid. I don't think he has a right to be paranoid if he only want to be friends with benefits.

He seems like he's completely lost in himself, so hung up on the hurt from the past. I just feel sorry for him now. I hope he finds himself and that there is happiness in his future. I'm thinking we can be friends, with no benefits.

Hot Mama

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