After writing my prior blog, I decided to ask around a little and try to come up with a few reasons some guys get the ones they want. Now I could be totally wrong, but some of this has worked for me. I was once where you are... thinking I was a nice, sensitive guy who had to sit around "wishing" and "wanting" women who had no interest in me (out of being a friend) because I was too shy, not good-looking enough, not rich enough etc.
But then, I quickly realized that I had it all wrong. Instead of thinking that I was a nice, sensitive guy that needed to be richer or better-looking to get women, I realized what I really needed was to be the guy that women really want. I came up with my "I dont give a crap if I get her or not attitude."
You see... this is why women often date "jerks" and guys who are emotionally unavailable and don't date us "nice guys" who would do anything for them. It's because, as my ultimate law for success with women goes... attraction isn't a choice. In other words, women do not sit down and make a list of the qualities that a particular guy has, then think it over for a few days, then decide whether or not to feel attraction.
Just doesn't happen.
Attraction is either there or it isn't, and it happens in an instant. Plus, to mess up a "nice" guy's thinking even more, it happens for all kinds of "illogical" reasons... reasons that even a woman who is feeling it can't usually describe.
So what's the answer here?
The answer here is realizing that... most likely... many of the "nice" things you're doing while you're around women you feel attracted to (and who consider you "just a friend") are actually ruining your chances with them.
You must understand that you sometimes have to do things that seem to be "inconsiderate" in order to give a woman what she really wants... which is act like a man who is in control of himself, the situation, and often her. You have to stop doing the nice, sensitive things that say "I'm a Wussy" -- because these are the very things that torpedo any chance you have of success with the women you really want.
Instead, start doing the things that really work with women...
Be calm and confident.
Act Cocky & Funny.
Bust on women and give them a hard time.
Lead the way, don't follow.
Now, of course, one of the problems that a lot of guys run into is "putting together" all these different personality traits is that don't seem to go together. Many of the things women say they want in a man seem to conflict with each other. Women say that they want guys who sensitive... but always go for the "bad boy".
What's a guy to do?
Well, here's what I did:
I gave up my old ways of thinking and learned what really works.
Not what sounds like it might work.
Not what should work in a "logical" world.
And not what is supposed to work according to all those touchy-feely self-help books (...and what your mommy taught you).
I avoided all the bad advice (that never got real results) and figure out what "works" and I started out with a huge disadvantage. And I'm not talking about a disadvantage of my plain looks. I'm talking about a disadvantage of all this bad advice. This bad "programming."
We all had this pre-determined "map" in our mind of how we thought we should behave around women... and it turned out to be the wrong map. A total game- killer. And the most frustrating part was that when I did the things that should work, they actually made women even less into me!
It was like the whole world wasn't working right... I would be so sweet, sensitive and nice, and then woman would not even want to talk to me.
I would call often and share my feelings with her, and she would still fall for the rude jerk who could care less about treating her well.
Well, I stuck with it anyway. I kept trying to figure out what works... even though the things I was doing weren't working. And the magic "breakthrough" came:
You can have the smoothest "pick up lines" in the world... do "nice" things for women all day long... but if you don't understand ATTRACTION, these things will backfire and wind up pushing women away from you.
That's why, even though "jerks" and "bad boys" don't treat women well, it doesn't mean that women don't feel attraction for them. In fact, women report feeling incredibly attracted to these kinds of men... so powerfully, in fact, that they can't control their feelings... Whether a women likes you or not as "more than a friend" is often decided right away. Stop living in the "friend zone" and make a change to get what you deserve. What do you have to lose?
The Man
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