“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day”. – Edith Lovejoy Pierce
Tomorrow is a new year full of new opportunities, adventures, possible love interests, and a fresh new start. I wish only the best to all the Love bite's readers, and especially my fellow writers. I appreciate the chance you have given me to put my stories out there as well. I hope my thoughts and adventures have helped in one way or another. I have never been a writer, but putting thought on paper has been a healing experience. I remember the day I read the first blog and thought to myself "Whoa!! these chicks are angry man-haters". I then reached out and wrote a private message and felt I needed to explain what men think about. You accepted me and allowed me to give the other side. I am happy to get to know each one of you and wish only the best for you. Whether you are a man or a woman, gay or straight, we have all loved and lost. We all have are own ways with coping to our pain. I just wanted to thank you and hope everyone has an amazing New Year!
Thank you,
The Man
Friday, December 31, 2010
Quicksand
The world can be a very lonely place when you come to find out you are fighting the battle all alone. I don't know when it went wrong or where the line in the sand was drawn. I do know that the tidal wave came crashing down not to long ago. Out of the blue if you had been in a coma all this time. Phones left ringing as if everyone had disappeared. Hadn't we?
Why is it that only now I get the full story? I never would have entertained the idea had certain beliefs and ideas been disclosed all those years ago. There is little that can be done now. In time we will come to see that this is for the best. That it was a stupid dream thought up by a pair of formerly intelligent friends.
It's hard to believe how we got here. Ranting about people and places that have no value. Yet now the daily presence had become a ticking time bomb.
Kate
Why is it that only now I get the full story? I never would have entertained the idea had certain beliefs and ideas been disclosed all those years ago. There is little that can be done now. In time we will come to see that this is for the best. That it was a stupid dream thought up by a pair of formerly intelligent friends.
It's hard to believe how we got here. Ranting about people and places that have no value. Yet now the daily presence had become a ticking time bomb.
Kate
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Peace Out Love
Over the course of any relationship there will be periods that test one's strength and belief at the core of what "I love you" represents. Some people wake up one day and say they never saw the avalanche coming. Others assume everyone will betray them at some point and ninety nine percent of the time this is true.
Even with age, men rarely change. Their personality and desires remain the same. Women however will always evolve with age. As they enter each new chapter in their life cycle nearly everything about who they were and who they have become changes. So it is no surprise that as the years pass a couple that once had so much in common now has very little. There must be compromise if a relationship is going to be able to last until the end. If not there is very little that can be molded back together.
To say for better or worse without a thought and then run away and make excuses for what was or never could be is what it is. There must be love, but sometimes love just isn't enough. Sometimes you come to realize that what you have been chasing all these years never was the right fit after all.
Peace Out Love,
Kate
Even with age, men rarely change. Their personality and desires remain the same. Women however will always evolve with age. As they enter each new chapter in their life cycle nearly everything about who they were and who they have become changes. So it is no surprise that as the years pass a couple that once had so much in common now has very little. There must be compromise if a relationship is going to be able to last until the end. If not there is very little that can be molded back together.
To say for better or worse without a thought and then run away and make excuses for what was or never could be is what it is. There must be love, but sometimes love just isn't enough. Sometimes you come to realize that what you have been chasing all these years never was the right fit after all.
Peace Out Love,
Kate
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Genie In a Bottle
We will never meet again. I know this now. I look back now on what we thought we were and what silly ideas and thoughts we had about the world as it was and what we wanted to become. Without warning we were over. Dreams crushed, lies exposed, questions left unanswered. After further discussion and back tracking I'm not sure when it was great. Good yes, maybe.
Were we both to afraid to see the truth? To afraid to admit we had grown apart. To afraid to talk out our problems in a productive and welcoming environment. Instead all I recall is being told over and over how I would never amount to anything. Which was then followed up by why me?
Glad to see someone is reading the older posts from many months ago. I must admit though I hate looking back at what was previously written, because at times it's embarrassing. Not to mention that I honestly don't understand half the things I have written after the fact. But, feel free to read more of the archives. I'm sorry if the present day is to boring and drama less for your enjoyment.
SP
Were we both to afraid to see the truth? To afraid to admit we had grown apart. To afraid to talk out our problems in a productive and welcoming environment. Instead all I recall is being told over and over how I would never amount to anything. Which was then followed up by why me?
Glad to see someone is reading the older posts from many months ago. I must admit though I hate looking back at what was previously written, because at times it's embarrassing. Not to mention that I honestly don't understand half the things I have written after the fact. But, feel free to read more of the archives. I'm sorry if the present day is to boring and drama less for your enjoyment.
SP
Another One Bites The Dust
As I sit here today alone, I often wonder how did I get this way? I then go back in time and think of all the people I’ve dated and how I may have affected them. I am saying this because I have still not received a call or explanation of what I may have done the last time we were together. I now realize there were so many clues that I should have seen. I am usually the one to run away, but the roles are reversed. Somehow in the short period of time you brought something out in me that I usually hold reserve to. I know you are an amazing person for someone, but just not me. I did all those things that if someone were to do to me, I would tend to push away. There are times in our lives that you just feel something was either "right" or "meant to be", but now that I look back, I had blinders on. I give tons of advice to many on the "do's and don’ts of dating", but never found myself on the other end. I know I have crushed many hopes and dreams of those in my past, and truly sorry, but when you look at where you all are now, you are in a much better place. Most of you have married, had children and living a great life with someone simple. I am a very complex person and it takes someone really special to put up with my shit. Unless I choose you, I tend to tire easily. It sucks! But when I find you, you have a commitment I will never break.
I mentioned above there were "signs". Here goes a few I noticed today as I reflect on a year full of up's and downs. Often when two think alike, there has to be an authority figures...You assumed that task as I allowed it. (I liked you and thought of anything to make you happy). The passion factor was never there. In some ways it seemed like we needed to plan things. (I am a spontaneous person with a huge sex drive). No public displays of affection. (I’m not saying all over each other, but a kiss here and there shouldn't be a big deal). Changed plans (a few times on your days off, you would rather hang with "the girls" than a new romance). No scent what so ever. (Now that I think about it, I associate people with their smells) It was almost a dream! As fast as we met, we parted...No smells left behind, no gifts, cards, nothing but memories faded. A week has passed since we last were out, no calls, no texts, and no emails. I am sorry for the one who has scarred your heart and caused you to run, but I am not him!! I am usually the one to wound others, but this time it's been another lesson learned.
The Man
I mentioned above there were "signs". Here goes a few I noticed today as I reflect on a year full of up's and downs. Often when two think alike, there has to be an authority figures...You assumed that task as I allowed it. (I liked you and thought of anything to make you happy). The passion factor was never there. In some ways it seemed like we needed to plan things. (I am a spontaneous person with a huge sex drive). No public displays of affection. (I’m not saying all over each other, but a kiss here and there shouldn't be a big deal). Changed plans (a few times on your days off, you would rather hang with "the girls" than a new romance). No scent what so ever. (Now that I think about it, I associate people with their smells) It was almost a dream! As fast as we met, we parted...No smells left behind, no gifts, cards, nothing but memories faded. A week has passed since we last were out, no calls, no texts, and no emails. I am sorry for the one who has scarred your heart and caused you to run, but I am not him!! I am usually the one to wound others, but this time it's been another lesson learned.
The Man
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Gone Baby Gone
It is easier to put the blame on one and not step back and see how different you too have become. The people we once were are lost. The people we have become are trapped in a maze. If life could go back to what it was a long, long time ago all would be well. But, it can't and it won't. The heart has been shattered and no one wants to try and put the pieces back together.
To stay in this medium is not healthy for the soul. The less that is said the more resentful and angry we become. Without cause one word or action can instantly create the next world war.
Be kind to your family. In the end they are all you've got. Be mindful of what you say and do. You may wake up one day and realize you pushed away all that once was good for the chance at ideal. When in fact there was nothing perfect about the alternative. Happy holidays y'all!! Thanks again for your support and love over the last nine months.
With Love,
SP
To stay in this medium is not healthy for the soul. The less that is said the more resentful and angry we become. Without cause one word or action can instantly create the next world war.
Be kind to your family. In the end they are all you've got. Be mindful of what you say and do. You may wake up one day and realize you pushed away all that once was good for the chance at ideal. When in fact there was nothing perfect about the alternative. Happy holidays y'all!! Thanks again for your support and love over the last nine months.
With Love,
SP
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The Great Debate - Part 2
The great debate was the subject of many entries in the beginning months of Love Bites. Read the month of June for the aftermath of the soap opera drama. Since then our readership has grown just a little bit (21,375 Love Bites groupies last time I checked) and what was meant to be a private message is now an international tale. Half our fans reside outside the United States. With a growing increase in India, Nepal, Canada and Australia (thanks Aussie gal). Not to mention that the tale of M, the mascot of all Jackass Sewer Rat is going to be in print (cross your fingers) for thousands more to read. All because a simple question was deemed unnecessary to answer. Clearly not so simple a question to answer, because if the truth were said life would have become complicated for M and company. I have a feeling life is going to become very interesting for Mr. and Mrs. JSR. The fun parade will be in a city near you very soon.
So just a few days before the shit storm of unproductive verbal abuse came my way back in June, I had been asking The Man the same questions I had been hoping to hear from JSR all this time. Thanks to the power of the internet and an accidental email (nothing is by accident), the voice of the infamous JSR and his wife, whom I will now refer to as Mrs. JSR, came into the Love Bites arena to speak their minds. Unfortunately, instead of ever confronting the truth and answering the one and only question "why?" they detoured off topic and bitched about nothing in particular.
From the little I could get out of Mrs. JSR she seemed to now be blaming me for the fallout. Which if you were to read the note he emailed me last year (read Poltergeist and Ghosts from the Past in the April archives) and all the facts I have to back up my story isn't possible.
Facts:
1) He initiated contact.
2) He wanted to meet on multiple occasions
3) I repeatedly voiced my concerns over his flirty language and increased attention towards me (conversations about thongs and adult friend finder for starters)
4) I was the fun girl or was I more?
5) He wanted to introduce me to his wife and child (why would you want to introduce your much younger ex whatever to your much older new wife? That's a bit odd especially if the much younger ex is much more successful and just a fun girl?)
6) Let's not forget that JSR and SP were mighty friendly chatting away into the early morning hours online (apparently talking to a random person is deemed appropriate and considered quality time with the family)
and so it goes...
I have re posted the email that started the Great Debate below:
"I'm sorry I had to drop my conversation last night but I found myself in a situation that was less than pleasant. (The conversation was: Hi How are you? Good, you. It was nice to see you (the wife was there too) Thanks you too. Bye) I am now stuck with the fact that my wife and I are not on good terms. I don't think this is your fault, but rather mine. I have tried to maintain a friendship and it is hurting my family experience.
This isn't easy, but I am going to ask that you to understand that I must follow my family as priority. This means I must make my wife feel at ease and let go of all of our contact. This is not by her request, but rather mine, as I want to make her feel at ease again. I ask for the sake of harmony that this be our last communication. I will be removing all contact info and I ask that you do the same. I know you will understand and thank you. I'm sorry this is what life is. May your family be both blessed and safe. "
Best,
Jackass Sewer Rat (my editing)
Perhaps I am Pandora's box and I should have been left in the past, but thanks so much for caring guys and helping me check off another goal on my bucket list. Would you like to inspire yet another business?
Let me back up to the week prior to this note. The week in which I was introduced to JSR and company. The night before I received the note above I had initiated contact with JSR online (as he came up on my screen as online) to politely say, "It was good to see you and meet your wonderful wife and child last week." That was all. Had I known that there was now a curfew on appropriate and inappropriate hours to speak online I suppose I would have emailed him in the morning with my pleasant and courtesy message, as we had not spoken since seeing each other in person. Which again I will point out the wife was present for. It's rather odd how prior to that meeting, it was perfectly acceptable for JSR to initiate contact with me online in the late night hours, yet for some odd reason after meeting we could no longer talk at any hour. (Had I really threatened the perfect marriage in a fifteen minute conversation?)
Another odd remark made by Mrs. JSR, she mentions how it was because I was so successful that JSR thought to contact me out of the blue. Which then had me wondering, if I were an average Joe working for the man (as Mr. and Mrs. JSR are) would he not have wanted to be my friend again? In addition, Mrs. JSR makes a point of saying that they were in bed together (with a computer and facebook) when I sent him that casual note and I obviously should have been spending the same quality time with my spouse. If quality time is defined by jointly staring a computer screen while in bed I must have missed the memo. Bedrooms are for two things and neither one of those involves facebooking in bed.
After reading Mrs. JSR's off the wall comments I reread the original email that started all this unnecessary drama and well now the letter really does speak volumes. Yet, Mrs. JSR either never saw the original email or is afraid of the truth right in front of her. For now let's assume that what JSR wrote in the note is from the heart and truthful. Let me get out the good old thesaurus and translate a few key phrases.
I must make my wife feel at ease again = MY WIFE IS JEALOUS and I'M SLEEPING ON THE COUCH NOW
I'm sorry = I'M A DOUCHE BAG
I found myself in an unpleasant situation = MY WIFE IS JEALOUS and I'M A COWARD
I'm sorry this is what life is = I'M IN A SEX LESS MARRIAGE AND I'VE JUST SIGNED A CONTRACT WITH THE DEVIL. BUT, I REALLY DO LOVE MY CHILDREN. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME AND THE FACT I HAVE NO BALLS.
Okay so now that I've had my laughs, back to designing the clothing line. Thanks again guys for being so gosh darn informative and caring.
Kate
So just a few days before the shit storm of unproductive verbal abuse came my way back in June, I had been asking The Man the same questions I had been hoping to hear from JSR all this time. Thanks to the power of the internet and an accidental email (nothing is by accident), the voice of the infamous JSR and his wife, whom I will now refer to as Mrs. JSR, came into the Love Bites arena to speak their minds. Unfortunately, instead of ever confronting the truth and answering the one and only question "why?" they detoured off topic and bitched about nothing in particular.
From the little I could get out of Mrs. JSR she seemed to now be blaming me for the fallout. Which if you were to read the note he emailed me last year (read Poltergeist and Ghosts from the Past in the April archives) and all the facts I have to back up my story isn't possible.
Facts:
1) He initiated contact.
2) He wanted to meet on multiple occasions
3) I repeatedly voiced my concerns over his flirty language and increased attention towards me (conversations about thongs and adult friend finder for starters)
4) I was the fun girl or was I more?
5) He wanted to introduce me to his wife and child (why would you want to introduce your much younger ex whatever to your much older new wife? That's a bit odd especially if the much younger ex is much more successful and just a fun girl?)
6) Let's not forget that JSR and SP were mighty friendly chatting away into the early morning hours online (apparently talking to a random person is deemed appropriate and considered quality time with the family)
and so it goes...
I have re posted the email that started the Great Debate below:
"I'm sorry I had to drop my conversation last night but I found myself in a situation that was less than pleasant. (The conversation was: Hi How are you? Good, you. It was nice to see you (the wife was there too) Thanks you too. Bye) I am now stuck with the fact that my wife and I are not on good terms. I don't think this is your fault, but rather mine. I have tried to maintain a friendship and it is hurting my family experience.
This isn't easy, but I am going to ask that you to understand that I must follow my family as priority. This means I must make my wife feel at ease and let go of all of our contact. This is not by her request, but rather mine, as I want to make her feel at ease again. I ask for the sake of harmony that this be our last communication. I will be removing all contact info and I ask that you do the same. I know you will understand and thank you. I'm sorry this is what life is. May your family be both blessed and safe. "
Best,
Jackass Sewer Rat (my editing)
Perhaps I am Pandora's box and I should have been left in the past, but thanks so much for caring guys and helping me check off another goal on my bucket list. Would you like to inspire yet another business?
Let me back up to the week prior to this note. The week in which I was introduced to JSR and company. The night before I received the note above I had initiated contact with JSR online (as he came up on my screen as online) to politely say, "It was good to see you and meet your wonderful wife and child last week." That was all. Had I known that there was now a curfew on appropriate and inappropriate hours to speak online I suppose I would have emailed him in the morning with my pleasant and courtesy message, as we had not spoken since seeing each other in person. Which again I will point out the wife was present for. It's rather odd how prior to that meeting, it was perfectly acceptable for JSR to initiate contact with me online in the late night hours, yet for some odd reason after meeting we could no longer talk at any hour. (Had I really threatened the perfect marriage in a fifteen minute conversation?)
Another odd remark made by Mrs. JSR, she mentions how it was because I was so successful that JSR thought to contact me out of the blue. Which then had me wondering, if I were an average Joe working for the man (as Mr. and Mrs. JSR are) would he not have wanted to be my friend again? In addition, Mrs. JSR makes a point of saying that they were in bed together (with a computer and facebook) when I sent him that casual note and I obviously should have been spending the same quality time with my spouse. If quality time is defined by jointly staring a computer screen while in bed I must have missed the memo. Bedrooms are for two things and neither one of those involves facebooking in bed.
After reading Mrs. JSR's off the wall comments I reread the original email that started all this unnecessary drama and well now the letter really does speak volumes. Yet, Mrs. JSR either never saw the original email or is afraid of the truth right in front of her. For now let's assume that what JSR wrote in the note is from the heart and truthful. Let me get out the good old thesaurus and translate a few key phrases.
I must make my wife feel at ease again = MY WIFE IS JEALOUS and I'M SLEEPING ON THE COUCH NOW
I'm sorry = I'M A DOUCHE BAG
I found myself in an unpleasant situation = MY WIFE IS JEALOUS and I'M A COWARD
I'm sorry this is what life is = I'M IN A SEX LESS MARRIAGE AND I'VE JUST SIGNED A CONTRACT WITH THE DEVIL. BUT, I REALLY DO LOVE MY CHILDREN. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME AND THE FACT I HAVE NO BALLS.
Okay so now that I've had my laughs, back to designing the clothing line. Thanks again guys for being so gosh darn informative and caring.
Kate
Monday, December 20, 2010
Ghosts of Christmas Past
The holidays always force me to remember years past and once you start going backwards it's hard to control where your thoughts end. The majority of happy and loving moments were thrown out a long time ago or so I thought.
The ghost is still with me everyday. I am subconsciously reminded of what once was and what could have been. I have found a storage unit for the spam, but even after the door closes the flashbacks still come at times.
Nine months ago we started this blog and service announcement :) as a way to work through the unanswered and try to solve the puzzle. A number of events set into motion a domino effect that was years in the making. Others lives were forever changed as a result.
I ended 2009 discussing this same subject so why not end 2010 doing the same thing. Thankfully the tables are turned and I'm the one laughing out loud now.
Things I have learned this year; don't trust those who have hurt you in the past, be mindful of what you throw away not everything can be recycled, brand spanking new doesn't guarantee it will work and finally continue to follow your dreams regardless of what the peanut gallery says. In the end your true friends will applaud you and the haters will cling to your success pretending they never lost faith in you.
I always knew it would end as mysteriously as it began. I am thankful for both the good and bad and I accept the challenges of life without regret.
Happy holidays y'all and may 2011 be an amazing year. Next stop gotham city and flying hearts.
With Love,
Kate
The ghost is still with me everyday. I am subconsciously reminded of what once was and what could have been. I have found a storage unit for the spam, but even after the door closes the flashbacks still come at times.
Nine months ago we started this blog and service announcement :) as a way to work through the unanswered and try to solve the puzzle. A number of events set into motion a domino effect that was years in the making. Others lives were forever changed as a result.
I ended 2009 discussing this same subject so why not end 2010 doing the same thing. Thankfully the tables are turned and I'm the one laughing out loud now.
Things I have learned this year; don't trust those who have hurt you in the past, be mindful of what you throw away not everything can be recycled, brand spanking new doesn't guarantee it will work and finally continue to follow your dreams regardless of what the peanut gallery says. In the end your true friends will applaud you and the haters will cling to your success pretending they never lost faith in you.
I always knew it would end as mysteriously as it began. I am thankful for both the good and bad and I accept the challenges of life without regret.
Happy holidays y'all and may 2011 be an amazing year. Next stop gotham city and flying hearts.
With Love,
Kate
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Blackout
As I wrote before I don't want to put my relationship out there, but I feel I need to vent a little. Things have been amazing. I have had a constant smile on my face but today I am feeling that feeling I hate!
We made plans on going out and meeting up with a few of her friends. I was a little nervous but extremely happy as well. I was now "her man" and when introduced, they said, "we've heard so much about you, finally we meet". I clicked right off the bat with her friends. I am really easy to get along with, and usually I will keep you laughing all night long. Something happened after the 12 beers, 4 tequila shots, and numerous smack talking. I have a few blank spots in my memory and I am now getting no return calls. She drove me home (actually drove my car as her friends followed). She lives about 40 minutes away so this is a big deal; she really went out of her way. I am just lost!! I sit here today and can only guess I screwed it up big-time. I am aware everyone makes mistakes, but for people like us, it only takes one! Have I destroyed this dream already? I honestly don't know... And not knowing is sometimes the worst thing.
In my dreams she is mine, but in real life she may have only been a dream.
The Man
We made plans on going out and meeting up with a few of her friends. I was a little nervous but extremely happy as well. I was now "her man" and when introduced, they said, "we've heard so much about you, finally we meet". I clicked right off the bat with her friends. I am really easy to get along with, and usually I will keep you laughing all night long. Something happened after the 12 beers, 4 tequila shots, and numerous smack talking. I have a few blank spots in my memory and I am now getting no return calls. She drove me home (actually drove my car as her friends followed). She lives about 40 minutes away so this is a big deal; she really went out of her way. I am just lost!! I sit here today and can only guess I screwed it up big-time. I am aware everyone makes mistakes, but for people like us, it only takes one! Have I destroyed this dream already? I honestly don't know... And not knowing is sometimes the worst thing.
In my dreams she is mine, but in real life she may have only been a dream.
The Man
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Flash In The Pan
One day you're in, the next you're out. Maybe it was the loneliness, maybe it was my addiction to the newest trend or maybe it really was love. I may never know, but what I do know is I know nothing, but I've got blackjack.
We gamble away money in hopes of a large return, but aren't surprised when we walk away broke. Yet, when it comes to our romantic interests why does the gamble become ten times more risky? No matter how long you know a person, you never really know them. The closet addictions and pet peeves won't be disclosed until the ending. The quirks that once were funny and cute are now painfully annoying. It's too late now to find a common denominator while the seas are parting.
If you get caught up in the fantasy don't be surprised when you are rudely awaken to discover that love hardly ends with a white picket fence.
So what happens after "I love you"? A shit-dragging brawl. How many couples actually make it down the alter after those three little words and how many stay happily together until the end?
Kate
We gamble away money in hopes of a large return, but aren't surprised when we walk away broke. Yet, when it comes to our romantic interests why does the gamble become ten times more risky? No matter how long you know a person, you never really know them. The closet addictions and pet peeves won't be disclosed until the ending. The quirks that once were funny and cute are now painfully annoying. It's too late now to find a common denominator while the seas are parting.
If you get caught up in the fantasy don't be surprised when you are rudely awaken to discover that love hardly ends with a white picket fence.
So what happens after "I love you"? A shit-dragging brawl. How many couples actually make it down the alter after those three little words and how many stay happily together until the end?
Kate
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Where Has Summer Gone?
So, I feel like a complete idiot. I'm not thirteen anymore and yet it feels like I'm dealing with the same issues and stupidly thinking that all men are prince charming. By the way, who started this lie and created the classic fairytale stories? Setting up every woman to believe in a false truth.
Did I really nickname a forty something year old man McDreamy? What the hell was I thinking? Just like getting a tattoo with the name of your current love, publicly disclosing your personal life can be the curse of death for a relationship.
What is done is done. I have learned many lessons over the last months and changed my life for the better as a result. In the short period I had the privilege of knowing McDreamy (it's rather pointless to change the name now) I was able to work thru most of my problems and see the ghost for who he really was. I doubt I will ever meet someone like McDreamy again. He is everything I ever thought I wanted in a mate and yet not nearly as reliable or appealing when life got complicated.
Every person who enters our life will touch it. Some will spin you in circles until you can't see straight. Others will teach you to look at experiences in a different light. Whether or not it's a long goodbye or a flash in a pan, new friends and old enemies will always be marching behind us.
Maybe when life is less complicated McDreamy and I will try again. What I need now is not something he could give me. No amount of lavish gifts or vacations or sweet words will make me stop doing what I do best. It wouldn't matter if he moved or I did. Our lives are too busy and our baggage is still sitting unclaimed.
What hurts the most now is the silence. Wanting to tell him about my day, but then stopping myself. Don't put your heart on the market and not expect it to get stolen. I will be more reserved and mindful of people's feelings and I will not jump ahead to the last page of the book without reading the fine print.
SP
Did I really nickname a forty something year old man McDreamy? What the hell was I thinking? Just like getting a tattoo with the name of your current love, publicly disclosing your personal life can be the curse of death for a relationship.
What is done is done. I have learned many lessons over the last months and changed my life for the better as a result. In the short period I had the privilege of knowing McDreamy (it's rather pointless to change the name now) I was able to work thru most of my problems and see the ghost for who he really was. I doubt I will ever meet someone like McDreamy again. He is everything I ever thought I wanted in a mate and yet not nearly as reliable or appealing when life got complicated.
Every person who enters our life will touch it. Some will spin you in circles until you can't see straight. Others will teach you to look at experiences in a different light. Whether or not it's a long goodbye or a flash in a pan, new friends and old enemies will always be marching behind us.
Maybe when life is less complicated McDreamy and I will try again. What I need now is not something he could give me. No amount of lavish gifts or vacations or sweet words will make me stop doing what I do best. It wouldn't matter if he moved or I did. Our lives are too busy and our baggage is still sitting unclaimed.
What hurts the most now is the silence. Wanting to tell him about my day, but then stopping myself. Don't put your heart on the market and not expect it to get stolen. I will be more reserved and mindful of people's feelings and I will not jump ahead to the last page of the book without reading the fine print.
SP
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Two Turtle Doves
This time of the year brings up many feeling for most of us. Whether it's the comfort of loved ones, missing those we no longer have or even wanting what others have. Either way it feels good to feel wanted and to share things with people close to you. As you know I have met someone who has put a smile on my face daily. I/we somewhat think alike and have both been scared off very easily in the past, so this is somewhat new to both of us. For example we spoke about the weekend spent together and we both agreed that if it were anyone else, we would have been making excuses to get rid of him or her. It's not like we have anything better to do, it's just our nature. Our personal space is very important to us and we don't like to feel suffocated. I am happy to say that things are progressing in a way that movies are made of. Now I do not want to curse this, but I have to say I have this worried feeling, I guess that's because I can't believe it's finally happening to me. You will notice my posts will be far fewer and in less detail as before, but I will try to keep things updated.
We all hope to someday find the "one" who is right for us. For most it starts with lust, and if we're lucky, ends in romance. Don't be scared to try new things, be yourself, and tell someone when they make you feel happy. It's the little things that can make all the difference in the world. If you happen to meet eyes with someone, go a little farther and say hello, you never want to regret not trying. If deep down you have feelings for someone, just let them know. There is no predetermined blueprint for life, make it yours, make it amazing! Why bitch and moan about loneliness when it's only you who can change your outcome. If you continue to think there are no good ones left, your eyes will be closed when they walk in the door.
Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.
The Man
We all hope to someday find the "one" who is right for us. For most it starts with lust, and if we're lucky, ends in romance. Don't be scared to try new things, be yourself, and tell someone when they make you feel happy. It's the little things that can make all the difference in the world. If you happen to meet eyes with someone, go a little farther and say hello, you never want to regret not trying. If deep down you have feelings for someone, just let them know. There is no predetermined blueprint for life, make it yours, make it amazing! Why bitch and moan about loneliness when it's only you who can change your outcome. If you continue to think there are no good ones left, your eyes will be closed when they walk in the door.
Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.
The Man
Why Me?
I have been kidding myself. I’m not Superwoman. I thought I was but a few things of late have made me realize that I wasn’t being realistic. The stubborn, pig headed part of me believed that I was completely over the marriage ending. Don’t get me wrong I’m pretty damn sure I’m over JSR. It is not the man himself, which upsets me. It is his actions. And the effect they have had on me. (On a side note the radio is now playing that song that we danced down the aisle to. How is that for timing…) Have you ever watched a movie called P.S. I love you? Well I was warned that it would make me cry. Everybody cries in that movie. But I did not shed a tear. Only thing, which got to me, was the reminder that I was abandoned and alone. JSR abandoned me. Part of me starts to wonder why and then starts to feel that I am not worth loving. That I must be this pathetic loser which no man could like enough to want to be with me and only me. Lucky for me I have a more dominant side, which looks for the positives and gets me out of that funk pretty quickly. But it is also the part of me that is kidding myself into thinking all is fine with the world. Have I been turned into a cold-hearted bitch? Everyone cry’s in that movie. Even guys. And yet there was not a Kleenex in sight for me. Is that what he has done to me? Turned my heart into ice. I know he broke it but until now I had not realized that he might have put it in a coma. The question now is when, if ever, will it awake? What will it take? This weekend will be six months since my marriage ended. I am celebrating by doing a fantasy photo shoot. Two different looks. All done professionally. Something I would never normally do. I don’t take photos of myself. But I want to try anything and everything these days. My life is about new experiences, enjoying life and having fun now. You just never know where it will take you.
Christmas is fast approaching. I hope everyone is looking forward to celebrating the festive season with their friends and family.
Aussie Gal
Christmas is fast approaching. I hope everyone is looking forward to celebrating the festive season with their friends and family.
Aussie Gal
Monday, December 13, 2010
Love Is....
Love is complicated. Love is sublime. Love is painful. Love is one of a kind.
There is a moment in every relationship where you hope and pray, "This is the one." That lapse in judgment will eventually fade. But, again and again you will walk the streets in search of the illusive soul mate. We want to believe the pathological liar. We want to feel financially secure. We want the honeymoon to never end.
Love is a drug that there is no medication to cure.
I do not trust love.
Kate
There is a moment in every relationship where you hope and pray, "This is the one." That lapse in judgment will eventually fade. But, again and again you will walk the streets in search of the illusive soul mate. We want to believe the pathological liar. We want to feel financially secure. We want the honeymoon to never end.
Love is a drug that there is no medication to cure.
I do not trust love.
Kate
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Crossing The Border
Writing on here is no longer relaxing. I am well aware that my written words have a lasting impression in my daily life. I've been doing a lot of thinking about life and love and I'll admit I've made mistakes and taken extreme measures at times to get my point across and make peace with the past. I am not sorry for my actions as they were justified given the circumstances. Yes, this is all very silly now to be dragging on a storyline that never was worth all the attention it has gotten.
I thought I was over the unpleasant reminders, but I'm far from free. I will return one day, as a stronger and wiser person. But, for now I will keep my distance and brace for the next curve ball. Maybe I'm afraid to let go of the person I once was for fear I will forget my youth. No amount of time will change what was said or never answered. The circle of lies and questions will keep turning. The only question now is what direction I take.
Kate
I thought I was over the unpleasant reminders, but I'm far from free. I will return one day, as a stronger and wiser person. But, for now I will keep my distance and brace for the next curve ball. Maybe I'm afraid to let go of the person I once was for fear I will forget my youth. No amount of time will change what was said or never answered. The circle of lies and questions will keep turning. The only question now is what direction I take.
Kate
Friday, December 10, 2010
Hourglass
"You desired my attention but denied my affections. So now tell me where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart."
What cannot be changed should never be forgotten. Good enough is not grand enough. Average sucks. Boring and mundane are the symptoms of a slow and painful death. If there is never anything to look forward to, then what's the point in living?
Change can only happen if you make it. Fear of hurting others and making ourselves vulnerable is what will make the glass either half empty or half full. If we are incapable of handling the punches then we are cowardly losers.
Love is the greatest feeling and the most painful too. Falling in love is easy, falling out and having the courage to admit you aren't happy is the first step to recovery. Maybe one day the past and present will collide and even though we can't fix the looming unanswered questions in our heart we already know the conclusion.
In time the pain will mellow, the sparkle will disappear, the labels will be torn, but the hope of peace and forgiveness will never be forgotten.
Kate
What cannot be changed should never be forgotten. Good enough is not grand enough. Average sucks. Boring and mundane are the symptoms of a slow and painful death. If there is never anything to look forward to, then what's the point in living?
Change can only happen if you make it. Fear of hurting others and making ourselves vulnerable is what will make the glass either half empty or half full. If we are incapable of handling the punches then we are cowardly losers.
Love is the greatest feeling and the most painful too. Falling in love is easy, falling out and having the courage to admit you aren't happy is the first step to recovery. Maybe one day the past and present will collide and even though we can't fix the looming unanswered questions in our heart we already know the conclusion.
In time the pain will mellow, the sparkle will disappear, the labels will be torn, but the hope of peace and forgiveness will never be forgotten.
Kate
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Coldest Winter
I wish I had more to say, but my mind is blank at the moment. I imagine I'm on a beautiful beach with an open bar and a gorgeous European model, but truth be told I'm far from paradise. The bitter, cold weather has arrived and I'm not prepared.
There is little to look forward to now. No one to greet me at the door, except my dog. No voice messages or cute emails to cheer me up on a bad day. Should I be concerned that it's quite possible I will be an old maid watching others live their lives?
I know I need to get out of the rut, but there is no alternative. Yet, even without a physical change I am creating a movement. Where it stops I don't know. For now I'm just happy to have a sliver of new beginnings to hold onto.
SP
There is little to look forward to now. No one to greet me at the door, except my dog. No voice messages or cute emails to cheer me up on a bad day. Should I be concerned that it's quite possible I will be an old maid watching others live their lives?
I know I need to get out of the rut, but there is no alternative. Yet, even without a physical change I am creating a movement. Where it stops I don't know. For now I'm just happy to have a sliver of new beginnings to hold onto.
SP
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Simon Says
Your pitch is off, your attitude is bad and yet you think you're a rockstar. One minute you say something sweet and the next you are a drunken basket case, but you don't see any of this. In the morning there is no evidence or memory of the words spoken.
I've been keeping myself busy and preoccupied with the holiday season and excuses not only to shop, but socialize. Which at least for the time being makes it easier to forget the hard choices that await in the new year.
All this time I have been chasing an ideal that isn't nearly as perfect up close. I'm emotionally drained from all the madness. What is meant to be will organically occur. My New Year's resolution is to live life without questioning what tomorrow will bring.
I will not allow a man control what I want to do. If they don't understand or disapprove of my passions then I'll walk away with no regrets. I'm sure many of you are wondering what became of McDreamy and painful ambush on Andy.
For a while all was lovely in paradise. Maybe one day it will be again, but for now the silence is bringing me back to reality. Loneliness can destroy the desire to believe there is a way out. I'm not looking to get married again, so while a romantic offer I declined. Maybe, we will meet again, but for now I just want to be happy without consequences or judgement.
Looking back at what was written about on here over the summer and what was left out of the public story there are many lines that got twisted and spun. I have learned my lesson.
SP
I've been keeping myself busy and preoccupied with the holiday season and excuses not only to shop, but socialize. Which at least for the time being makes it easier to forget the hard choices that await in the new year.
All this time I have been chasing an ideal that isn't nearly as perfect up close. I'm emotionally drained from all the madness. What is meant to be will organically occur. My New Year's resolution is to live life without questioning what tomorrow will bring.
I will not allow a man control what I want to do. If they don't understand or disapprove of my passions then I'll walk away with no regrets. I'm sure many of you are wondering what became of McDreamy and painful ambush on Andy.
For a while all was lovely in paradise. Maybe one day it will be again, but for now the silence is bringing me back to reality. Loneliness can destroy the desire to believe there is a way out. I'm not looking to get married again, so while a romantic offer I declined. Maybe, we will meet again, but for now I just want to be happy without consequences or judgement.
Looking back at what was written about on here over the summer and what was left out of the public story there are many lines that got twisted and spun. I have learned my lesson.
SP
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Change of Status
Wow...HELL YEA.AMAZING.FINALLY!! That is how I have been feeling the past few weeks. When I last wrote, I was headed out to have dinner with "possible love interest". We arrived on time (as two who think the same often do), dressed for the occasion, and greeted each other with a kiss. I have to be honest, I would usually write about all the details with whomever I meet, but she is special to me. My private thoughts were for the entire world to see, but not this time. I have been waiting a very long time for a feeling like this. I will not do anything to ruin a possible amazing future with this special woman. I am aware one day she may find out about this blog, so I am keeping details to a minimum. We both had to work the following day so we decided to keep things simple and an early hour. It just seems time passes so quickly when we are together. There is never a dull moment or forced conversation. All seems as if it were meant to be. I know, don't get your hopes up, but when it's right, it's right. I would never enter something like this half assed so I am happy to say, but I am off the market for now! She is an amazing woman and deserves total respect.
Friday: We had another date planned and this time I was cooking dinner for her. The day was crazy, my mind racing. Had I cleaned the house well enough? Did the air fresheners smell good? Were they too strong? Did the grass look cut? And so much more. I was a madman Thursday after work preparing for her to come over. Butterflies filled my stomach as the time neared closer. I think I have done everything possible, but not too extreme... Well maybe re-mulching the yard, putting up landscape lighting, and pressure cleaning the decks were not necessary, but then again, I would do anything to make this dream a reality. As she called to let me know she was on her way I began to sweat a little and that feeling of the first day to school was ahead of me. Had I done enough? I sure hoped so. It seemed like everything was falling in place...The steaks came out perfectly, the weather just right to eat out back, and the wind was not too much to blow out the candles I had lit. Just perfect!! We shared an amazing dinner, went out for drinks, and stayed up til 9am the next morning talking. As I previously wrote in the past, when I find what I'm looking for, there is a courtship that I enjoy to do. No rushed kissed, no forced touching, and for me NO SEX! When you wait this long for perfect, no time is too long to wait. We woke up late that afternoon, had brunch and she left to take care of some things. About an hour passed and I get a call "Miss you, I should have stayed" HELL YEA!!!! WOOOHOOOO!!! This was exactly what I was waiting for. And a few hours later she returned. We spent an amazing weekend together and hopefully many more to come. I honestly hope everyone feels this amazing feeling one-day. It is well worth the wait!
The Man
Friday: We had another date planned and this time I was cooking dinner for her. The day was crazy, my mind racing. Had I cleaned the house well enough? Did the air fresheners smell good? Were they too strong? Did the grass look cut? And so much more. I was a madman Thursday after work preparing for her to come over. Butterflies filled my stomach as the time neared closer. I think I have done everything possible, but not too extreme... Well maybe re-mulching the yard, putting up landscape lighting, and pressure cleaning the decks were not necessary, but then again, I would do anything to make this dream a reality. As she called to let me know she was on her way I began to sweat a little and that feeling of the first day to school was ahead of me. Had I done enough? I sure hoped so. It seemed like everything was falling in place...The steaks came out perfectly, the weather just right to eat out back, and the wind was not too much to blow out the candles I had lit. Just perfect!! We shared an amazing dinner, went out for drinks, and stayed up til 9am the next morning talking. As I previously wrote in the past, when I find what I'm looking for, there is a courtship that I enjoy to do. No rushed kissed, no forced touching, and for me NO SEX! When you wait this long for perfect, no time is too long to wait. We woke up late that afternoon, had brunch and she left to take care of some things. About an hour passed and I get a call "Miss you, I should have stayed" HELL YEA!!!! WOOOHOOOO!!! This was exactly what I was waiting for. And a few hours later she returned. We spent an amazing weekend together and hopefully many more to come. I honestly hope everyone feels this amazing feeling one-day. It is well worth the wait!
The Man
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Secret Santa Blows
The holiday season is a time when families should call a truce and put aside the sibling rivalry, the failed marriage, the money stresses and just relax and enjoy that one day together with the only people in the world who will always have your back regardless of what stupid thing you might say or do.
Unfortunately in some households certain preferences are looked down upon. In particular being gay, interracial dating, still being single, getting pregnant and not being married. I am fortunate enough not to be judged for who I am and what I believe in. I certainly have surprised the folks throughout the years and I would hope made them proud at least a few times.
Even the pint size version of me was causing drama and making my presence known. (I wasn't always well received, but I sure was memorable and pretty gosh dare adorable.)
Life isn't nearly as entertaining as it once was. Dare I say it's borderline boring. I apologize in advance if the blog posts are few and far between this month. With the holidays and insane work schedules time seems to pass way to quickly.
No one can deny that our pasts have a tremendous impact on who we become and what we believe in. Pain is a powerful feeling and at times a wake up call. While it may not seem like happiness is ever possible again, there will come a day when the road once traveled has a new exit.
The holiday festivities have been a welcome distraction from the slippery road of relationships where everyday seems like it is on the edge of a deadly crash. Forgiveness is still a hard concept to deal with. I have a habit of hoarding and then clearing house without clearly thinking. We all go thru periods where for whatever reason we aren’t one hundred
percent committed to the project at hand. It is however unfair to criticize what we don’t know or care to believe in. We must learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others.
Kate
Unfortunately in some households certain preferences are looked down upon. In particular being gay, interracial dating, still being single, getting pregnant and not being married. I am fortunate enough not to be judged for who I am and what I believe in. I certainly have surprised the folks throughout the years and I would hope made them proud at least a few times.
Even the pint size version of me was causing drama and making my presence known. (I wasn't always well received, but I sure was memorable and pretty gosh dare adorable.)
Life isn't nearly as entertaining as it once was. Dare I say it's borderline boring. I apologize in advance if the blog posts are few and far between this month. With the holidays and insane work schedules time seems to pass way to quickly.
No one can deny that our pasts have a tremendous impact on who we become and what we believe in. Pain is a powerful feeling and at times a wake up call. While it may not seem like happiness is ever possible again, there will come a day when the road once traveled has a new exit.
The holiday festivities have been a welcome distraction from the slippery road of relationships where everyday seems like it is on the edge of a deadly crash. Forgiveness is still a hard concept to deal with. I have a habit of hoarding and then clearing house without clearly thinking. We all go thru periods where for whatever reason we aren’t one hundred
percent committed to the project at hand. It is however unfair to criticize what we don’t know or care to believe in. We must learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others.
Kate
Bargain Shopping
Forgiveness and starting new are my goals for 2011. While there are many questions that will remain left unanswered that is no longer why I write. As I've said in the past, the ghosts that until recently were still haunting me are finally dead. There is always a chance they will return seeking revenge against my sublime happiness, but I've got Rainbow Brite, Mr. Rogers and the Golden Girls and even O.J. Simpson knows better than to mess with the fun parade. :)
Men will never change. Their personality and goals in life will remain the same. However, women will always change as time passes. Men have almost always been at the heart of our emotional issues. Yet even after knowing about all their problems and malfunctions we continue to shop around and hunt for the best deal.
Some women become obsessed with the newest trends while others fall in love with the knock off merchandise. Ultimately neither one will hold our attention long enough. Promises and fantasy vacations will be postponed and once the next season approaches we will fall for another.
However, there are exceptions. The rare jewels that understand what women want and how to keep us interested. But, just like everything else in life nothing is guaranteed. Sometimes something old is better than something new.
Kate
Men will never change. Their personality and goals in life will remain the same. However, women will always change as time passes. Men have almost always been at the heart of our emotional issues. Yet even after knowing about all their problems and malfunctions we continue to shop around and hunt for the best deal.
Some women become obsessed with the newest trends while others fall in love with the knock off merchandise. Ultimately neither one will hold our attention long enough. Promises and fantasy vacations will be postponed and once the next season approaches we will fall for another.
However, there are exceptions. The rare jewels that understand what women want and how to keep us interested. But, just like everything else in life nothing is guaranteed. Sometimes something old is better than something new.
Kate
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A Penny For Your Soul
You know what I love most about the holidays? The bitter, angry, lonely souls that tell me such sweet white lies. Howdy y'all. I love you too. xoxo :)
Some people still don't get the point of the blog. Let it go already they say. Meanwhile their personal lives are even juicier than the steamiest trash novel. Maybe you think you understand my words because you actually interact with me on a daily basis and one line hits home with you. Maybe you are a genie in a bottle or maybe, just maybe you have absolutely no clue what I'm talking about, but just like the latest Us Weekly or People magazine at the checkout counter you suddenly think you are best friends with me and find the need to talk behind my back. Unless your name is V you don't have a clue who I am or for that matter what my words really mean.
I wish the secret haters of my new love would have the guts to say their dirty thoughts to my face. Those who don't get me or choose to continue to live in a bubble world should mind their business. You would be amazed at all the juicy gossip I secretly know about your lives and whether or not any of it is true doesn't matter, but it sure does make for great dinner conversations.
Maybe this is the life you dreamed about and I wish you the best, really I do. But, not everyone is built the same. We all have different goals and desires to achieve in life. Maybe you want to get your last kicks off my public bashing of private people. Fine with me. The more the merrier.
By the way, your ignorant words don't hurt me. That was your intention wasn't it? To spit matter of fact statements and bits of juicy gossip from the janitorial closet at me because you thought it would embarrass me.
Welcome to my world bitches....If you have something to say try getting up off the couch and turning off Jersey Shore and write. See how many people will praise your two cents.
Lalalalalalalalala…
With Love,
Kate
Some people still don't get the point of the blog. Let it go already they say. Meanwhile their personal lives are even juicier than the steamiest trash novel. Maybe you think you understand my words because you actually interact with me on a daily basis and one line hits home with you. Maybe you are a genie in a bottle or maybe, just maybe you have absolutely no clue what I'm talking about, but just like the latest Us Weekly or People magazine at the checkout counter you suddenly think you are best friends with me and find the need to talk behind my back. Unless your name is V you don't have a clue who I am or for that matter what my words really mean.
I wish the secret haters of my new love would have the guts to say their dirty thoughts to my face. Those who don't get me or choose to continue to live in a bubble world should mind their business. You would be amazed at all the juicy gossip I secretly know about your lives and whether or not any of it is true doesn't matter, but it sure does make for great dinner conversations.
Maybe this is the life you dreamed about and I wish you the best, really I do. But, not everyone is built the same. We all have different goals and desires to achieve in life. Maybe you want to get your last kicks off my public bashing of private people. Fine with me. The more the merrier.
By the way, your ignorant words don't hurt me. That was your intention wasn't it? To spit matter of fact statements and bits of juicy gossip from the janitorial closet at me because you thought it would embarrass me.
Welcome to my world bitches....If you have something to say try getting up off the couch and turning off Jersey Shore and write. See how many people will praise your two cents.
Lalalalalalalalala…
With Love,
Kate
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