Shipwreck

The months are flying by and the past is becoming nothing more than a brief reminder of a life once lived. I have resisted the temptation to read the archives because the last time I found myself upset and mortified for saying some of the things I did. There continues to be an interest in the Soap Opera Drama post from back in June. (Probably doesn't help that we continue to single out that entry.) Seriously people what is the fascination with this one blog? Please at least read the one before and after.
The words no longer effortlessly flow. Then again there isn't much to talk about anyhow since my heart is far from home. Or is it? I thought the hard part was saying I love you when in fact that is the easy part. Backing up that statement with actions not just a ring is the real job.
It's incredibly hard to believe words when the person saying them is thousands of miles away. I want to believe there is truth to his over the top declaration, but as the days go by and the conversations again go back to nonexistent I find my interest fading. Questioning if maybe I made the wrong choice by jumping on board a ship without a destination. When the spark and blossoming love of a new relationship start it is easy to fall too hard, too quick just be sure the leap is the best choice for everyone.
I can't change what happened even if I wish I could re due certain events. Likewise it is premature to start planning a wedding when the truth is we barely know each other. In a way I feel so silly for thinking this was normal and for disregarding everything else because I wanted to be loved again. I already was and yes it wasn't the perfect relationship, but even after everything I still love him. That doesn't mean I can ever forget what happened and it doesn't make me a stupid person. It is what is it is. I do fear that if I take Andy back I will be settling and moving backwards. Like he said I have changed and the person he was in love with just a few years ago doesn't exist anymore. We can continue to harp on the past and run in the same circle forever or we can accept and attempt to understand the evolved person.
SP