A Shattered Soul

One of the Love Bites groupies posted this letter on the fb fan page and I was deeply moved by her words. Also I'm to tired to write and my mind is blank at the moment. Inspiration will come soon, I hope.
On behalf of all the silent souls out there who have suffered emotional, verbal or physical abuse by a loved one I share this good-bye letter a woman wrote to her boyfriend. Perhaps some of you can relate. The names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.




Dear John,
You wished for happiness, you wished for someone better, you wished for someone who will not show hurt when you commit a thoughtless act. You wished for someone you can be yourself with. Well, today, your wish may come true…

I really wish you happiness and I hope you can find what you are looking for. A woman that can offer you what you dream of, a woman you can be yourself with even if it hurts her, a woman that will give you the ultimate freedom at the price of a quiet bleeding heart. A woman with keen discernment who will detect a troubled, anguished and unstable spirit within you only on your first date and decides she cares enough already to take on the challenge and help you; A woman who will not run away when her fears are confirmed as she learns your bipolar family history. A woman that will still smile when you tell her; “I should have married Mary” only on your second date. A woman that will still want to see you on a fourth date when you tell her; “I really like Stephanie our dating service front desk clerk, she is really hot!” a woman that will not be disappointed when you tell her; “Bethany” the girl you always talked about, “…is the prettiest girl in the office, I like her. She has a very nice ass, she knows it and she likes to flaunt it, and everyone in the office knows it too.” a woman that won’t feel humiliated and shocked when you tell her with excitement; “Come see this (freeones, a porn website) she is my favorite porn star and you look like her.” A woman that won’t question you when she finds you are still active on several dating services five months into your relationship with her. A woman that won’t ask for your respect towards her when you yell, “f*** you!” call her a bitch, tell her she is the most f**** up person you have ever met, that she is stupid and dumb and that you are 10 times smarter than she is, then ask her to leave her own home that she provides for you. A woman that won’t get upset when you call her to tell her; “I told my co-workers at the end of the day that I was going to go home now and get a piece of ass.” Maybe she won’t mind knowing that her boyfriend refers to her at work as a piece of ass. A woman that can still sit by your side when you ask the waitress at a restaurant, “C’mon sit on my lap” in front of your friends. A woman who can resist the urge to walk out and stay by your side when you signal the blond you have been watching on the dance floor all evening to come to you, then tell her something in her ear and laugh with her. A woman who will agree to attend a strip joint with you because you were going “through a phase”…whose strength and patience will withstand watching you rest your cheek on the young stripper’s head as you caress her long blond hair while she talks to you in your ear, then turning to your loyal girlfriend and saying; “Please bear with me and be patient I am going through a phase right now.” Maybe she will find comfort as I did when friends around the table hold her hand with a puzzled look on their faces and tell her; “It’s going to be alright, you will be ok” during your bathroom break. Maybe she will still be trustingly and patiently waiting for you at the table of that same strip joint when you disappeared “looking for the manager” to talk to him. A woman that will be able to stomach when she learns that sometimes you avoid her phone calls because she is cutting into your porn time. Maybe she won’t cry when she comes home from a long trip longing to be with you and you have no desire to be with her because you already had your fill on the computer screen. Maybe she will give you chance after chance when you tell her it hurts you to hurt her and that you will never want to hurt her again only to do it again and again. Maybe she will hold your sobbing daughters in her arms time and time again when you tell them things so hard to listen to, call them despicable diminishing names, losers, and tell them they have no brain. Maybe she can watch you throw things at them and still lay down with you in bed at night and caress your hair until you fall asleep. Maybe she will continue to see hope in her relationship with you when she looks back and realizes that she has spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years crying as she recalls your unceasing fights every single holiday. Maybe she will be understanding when she has to work for Christmas, calls you and leaves you a Merry Christmas wish in your voice mail and no one (including your family) knows where you are or hears from you for 4 days. Maybe she won’t feel confused when you tell her; “You love me too much, you cater to me too much…. you remind me of my mother, I hate it.” maybe she will resign herself to a life without kissing when she learns that her lips will never see another passionate kiss again because you are “not into kissing.” maybe she will still be there when you take her on romantic weekends away, sit by the fire under the stars and you can’t stop fighting. 

Maybe she will be ok with a superficial relationship and won’t have the need to talk about deep meaningful things, “us,” the future, God, faith, trust, and changes to improve and grow closer together because it angers you. Maybe she won’t mind resorting to emails to communicate with you to solve issues because you can’t communicate successfully without taking it to a severe critical level of angry, insulting and hurtful words. May be just maybe you will find someone who will keep her feelings and concerns to herself to avoid turmoil and chaos in her relationship with you. I have shed so many bitter tears, I have spent sleepless nights, and my health has suffered all because of my love for you. I have no more tears to shed my well is dry. These tears are no longer mine; they belong to her, that special woman who will be stronger than me, smarter than me and with extraordinary patience. Maybe, just maybe she is out there, waiting for you ready to make you happy. I would tell her of the flowers you brought me; I would tell her of your affectionate nature, of how crazy you would be about her and how deep your love for her would be. I would tell her of the meals you would cook with love for her and how you’d worry about her and would care for her. I would tell her of the places you would take her, the dinners and wine you would buy her… about the loving, playful and fun side of you and the scared and silly side of you. I would tell her how hard you work and how ambitious and successful you are in reaching your goals. But I would never tell her the pain she will endure and how her life will change. Let her hope for happiness, and dream like I did and if she is the right woman, when her dreams are shattered and all hope is gone, when she cries herself to sleep, and when her joy has turned to sorrow, and her smile has faded…if she is the right woman, she will still be there, by your side, hoping…hoping…


Sincerely,
A Shattered Soul