Man's Best Friend

I first must apologize for grammar errors in today’s post. This is the hardest post I, scratch that the hardest thing I have ever been through.
Death is one of the things that are guaranteed in life.... even though we know it is in the future and think we have readied ourselves it is never easy. Let me explain where I am right this moment.
Cushing's disease (hyperadrenocorticism) in dogs is a condition that results from the chronic overproduction of too much glucocorticoid in the body. In the normal dog, the pituitary gland produces a hormone called ACTH, which stimulates the adrenal gland to produce the glucocorticoid hormones necessary for the function of many systems in the body. If something goes wrong in the pituitary gland or adrenal gland and too much glucocorticoid is produced, then Cushing's disease develops. This is a very complicated disease with a wide range of symptoms and causes. My dog was diagnosed with this about 6 months ago. Since the tiny little rash on his neck (4 puss like bumps) he has turned into an old dog very quickly. Many say that he has already lived past his years (due to the fact of how I’ve taken care of him and spoiled him). He has lost almost all his hair and today the ability to walk on his own. I have laid with him on the floor thinking about our life together (almost 13 years). I am crying (don't tell anyone) as I write about him and think. I have not cried in over ten years. Actually, I don’t even remember the last time I did, but I had to. Many might say, "It's just a dog" Well, not for me! He has been there every single time I have come home to greet me at the door with excitement. He is what puts a smile on my face as soon as I get home...................................................sorry I had to go hold him again. He is my everything! I am going to write all over the place tonight due to my thousand thoughts.
He is in no pain whatsoever but that is also an issue. He falls from time to time and I need to pick him up due to his weak back legs. He could injure himself and not even know it or tell me. This dog has not cried since he was a puppy. I forgot what crying felt like. Damn where did all these boogers come from? Today he has not eaten and he (due to the disease) usually begs for food. I even offered him a burger (I never do this) and it was refused. I have carried him outside to go pee and most of the times have held him up while doing this. He still looks at me with the same puppy eyes he had the day I picked him up, almost to say "It's ok" or "Thank you" but if he is as stubborn as me (which I know he is), he is pissed off he can’t do shit on his own! What to do? He is not in pain, usually does things on his own, but the Dr. said when they stop eating it's the last thing.............................. All I can do is think of that happy day I got him home, when he would tread water waiting for me at the lake, swimming underwater to bring me rocks, learned to climb trees to be next to me, leaning in my car when I tell him left, or right, the time he ate a rock and broke both K9 teeth and I had to pay for a double root canal and got crowns so he had perfect teeth for him to break them two weeks later.... or his allergy issue he had when he was younger and needed to be rushed for steroids and Benadryl, or the stomach virus where I needed to give him a blood transfusion, the K9 training and only the best food and so on...and so on... but who cares? I would have done the same for my child. He is my child! 13 long years!!!! If he could talk, the blog would be even better. I forgot most of my stories, but he would remember them all. The times where he crapped on the floor because I took too long to get home, or all the women’s underwear that he ate the crotches out of (actually pretty funny) he had good taste too! Hahaaaa but with all the information given, I just can’t kill him!!!!!!! Many say put to sleep, but in reality is, would you do it to your son while he looks at you??????????????????????????? I am not selfish but I know when the time is right! It is creeping closer and closer.
I am sorry to write about this, but is a part of life we all need to deal with. How we deal with it is our own choice, but it SUCKS!!! I am a "tough guy" but this has brought me to a level of pain in which I never remember feeling. I have lost many friends, relatives, and loved ones, but this pain is like none other. When I dedicate myself to something/ someone I do everything in my power to make sure they have the best! I just want to say, I thought I prepared myself for what is soon to come but it fucking sucks! Imagine if you didn't have time to prepare.... look at your loved ones and tell them you love and care about them every chance you get. Spoil them! They are what you are living for...you can't take it with you.
The Man