Anonymous Rant

My, what angry and rude people are out in cyber space? While I appreciate your comments and I understand where you are coming from, until you have been in my shoes I ask that you don't judge me and my actions and ranting at face value. There is so much more to this story that I haven't said nor do I have the time or patience to relive.
I realize that my entries over the last month have been going on and on about the same topic and same person. It's called writing and there will be others I will write about someday. I also want to make it very clear that I DO NOT want JSR. I think it's fabulous that he has created this adorable family and I think the wife is super nice and a fabulous wife and mother. I have nothing against her. I don't want to be her. It's not a life I have ever wanted, regardless of whom the man was.
I am going to go back to the beginning here and back to the simple question I had been looking for. Why? Why find me after four years? Why befriend me again? Why introduce me to your family? Why me? These are logical questions. It's not like we broke up, he got me married and I was jealous and started obsessing. He found me again after getting married and I was married too. That's the unanswered question why? So, while the wife might be this perfect person, JSR is far from it.
Am I obsessing? Perhaps I am and perhaps if this minor defriendship had occurred when life was going great it wouldn't have had such a profound effect on me. But, such is life, when one thing goes wrong; a domino effect starts to happen. Maybe I should be talking about the divorce, or the funerals, or the depression, or the months of therapy, or the car accidents, or the fire that all occurred within the following few months. So while I appreciate your words of wisdom and advice and I can see how from an outsider’s perspective my words and rants might seem a bit much, I have moved on.
I guard my choices and people I choose to let into my life far more. I am pissed that someone was capable of taking away the one thing in my life I never guarded. The one place in the whole world I was in love with.
You are right I don't know what the wife knew about me. It wasn't my place to ask and honestly I didn't care I didn't ask to brought into their new life. But, I was brought in, for what reason who knows and who cares anymore.
Maybe last week when I said I would be taking a break from Love Bites I should have stayed with that thought and not let SP trick me into coming back. But, now I've got lots more to write, so thanks anonymous readers. That's the thing about being anonymous, you don't want to be found, so you feel safe behind your computer screen telling strangers what they did wrong and why they are bad people, when in reality you have no right to say "let it go" until you have lived the last nine months in my shoes. This is my way of letting it go. Letting everything go, not just JSR, he is only the beginning. Perhaps not in your typical way, but it is working for me.
Heartbreak and death throw your life path off track, but it takes true friends and different forms of grief to put you back on a new and better path.
Have a good one y'all.
Oh and my name, my real name is Kate.