Candyland

Well, here goes! I was told this blog wasn't PG rated any longer, but I'm sure you had no idea what I could get myself into. Let me start off with a strong warning ***{WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS CRAZY AS HELL}***
I first need to let you into who I am a little...I am the "fun guy", always laughing or getting laughed at. I am not scared of much, will try about anything, can B.S. the best B.S.ers, and when needed will do or say whatever necessary to make someone feel comfortable. I haven’t really had any dating advice or PG stories that were good enough to share. This one will make some laugh; gross some out, and might turn one or two on. Sit down, (if you're eating, finish before reading) relax, hold on, & enjoy the blog!!
As we stated form the beginning we were going to be as honest as we could possibly be. I saw that someone wanted to hear the "best and worst dating stories" This is my most recent.
Sunday, June 20. As I was home bored, I decided to check some mail from my dating sites. I stumbled upon one profile that caught my attention...

About Me
CANDY: High self-confidence and loves to interact with other people. Loves to be stimulated by a strong, self-confident man who is not uptight (LOL) but has good self-control. Someone who will dig the fun, smart, quick, warm, loving, caring and yet very, very humble (and not so simple) woman that I am. Someone who will allow me to be me.

I take full responsibility for all my actions... all...

NO REGRETS

I have exceptionally high standards, so please, no games and no lies. I am here for personal reasons, so please; don't even go there with me (if you know what I mean). I have both class and style...please treat me with both. I don't lie or deceive any one in my life and would appreciate the same from you. Please don't assume anything about me, because you really don't know me. Keep an open mind concerning me and I will do the same with you.
So, if you'd still like to meet me, know that my pictures are there because I love the ones I've chosen. They're all a part of who I am. If I could only put up one photo, it would be the one of me wearing the mask! It tells you who I am: smart, confident, sexy, clever, mysterious, playful, intelligent, daring, but also...always guarded. I am watching you at all times.
I study your pictures and can profile you by that alone. I never read profiles...I don't have to...the pics, profession and your first words to me tell me all I need to get my first impression of you. So, please, don't try mess with me. I will nail you time after time. I can see you coming from miles away and I carefully plan my moves. I might jump fast with you, to show you that I care and am interested. But as soon as I sense danger or insincerity, I will jump right out faster than I jumped in. So before you enter my zone, my waters, keep in mind: this woman is a SHARK. LOL You is the prey, not me.
I am not asking you to "try" me or "test" me. All I am telling you is the same thing that Israel tells the world: "Don't mess with us". LOL
From what I have seen so far, I love men that work for the government. The ones from the "Counter-Intelligence Agency", for example. LOL I know, I will get in trouble for putting it out there, but I can't help it. I have met some of them and they are the best of the best. Some of them keep an open mind, some of them don't, but I like the interaction with that type of man. There is something about them that makes me feels alive and they definitely seem to be my type. I know it's not fair for the rest of you, I suppose, but what can I tell you, I say it as I feel it. And right now that's what I feel. Maybe tomorrow my profile will change...maybe my location will change as well. So there it is: I DARE myself...and I know what's coming from stating it, yet I put it out there anyway.

PLEASE DON'T ASK ME STUPID QUESTIONS... READ THE PROFILE... AND WHEN I SAY I AM HERE FOR PERSONAL REASONS I AM.... NOT BUSINESS.... PERSONAL... GOT THAT?

So, after reading and seeing the half naked pics, I was entertained at the idea of seeing what she was all about. We wrote back and forth with really short messages :(me) your photos are amazing! I know I’ve written you before. But I don’t like to give up too easy for things I really want.

(Her) babe, you never ever wrote to me before... I would remember
(Me) Well Hello Candy, I could have sworn I did. I hope I wasn't too forward, but I really like your pics! And I know what you mean about Govt. workers. Wink*
Do you live in Miami?
(Her) yes I do... are you a Govt. worker ... wink.... LOL
(Me) Let's just say it has been in the family for a while.
(Her) when I was in DC.... oh my GOD.... too much fun... I was in a real candy store.
(ME) What is it that excites you? The mystery? The secrecy? Or the low level of trust? It can be a challenge. Are you up for it?
(Her) wow you just nailed it.... some of each... and more then that they understood my world.... the moving all the time... living on the edge.... the do or die if you don't read the person in front of you right... the mentality of here now gone tomorrow... we just clicked... plus they super sexy and sharp.... and they surprised me.... showed me who was in charge.... oh my god I had fun there....
(ME) well it's your move, I am free tonight. Call me
At that very moment my phone rings, Discussions were held, and the time and place were set in motion. Hahahhahahahhaha, I am a secret agent!!
I arrived in the hidden location on Miami Beach. It was a home once lived in by Frank Sinatra that was converted to a hotel. As she walked to meet me at the entrance, I noticed a dark haired attractive woman wearing stiletto heels, a short dress, very revealing shirt and some sort or a silk wrap covering her. We greeted each other with a kiss and headed towards her room. (Amazing place) We proceeded to go out on the balcony, open a bottle of wine and share stories. The wine was flowing, stories were getting better, and the BUZZ was on.
So I mentioned before that if you knew me, I joke and can tell great stories. Here goes one of my best! As the stories were getting heated, she then told me she was a dominatrix! WOW!!! Holy crap! I need to keep it together and pretend like it doesn’t bother me. She then begins telling stories about high-ranking Govt. officials, fantasies and bestiality. WHOA!!! Really???? Yes!!! She then told me about how she always loved as a child the memories of milking the cows...So here's where my crazy plan
Began...
She asked, " Have you ever thought of being with an animal"? I did all I could do but to laugh as I said " well, actually...as I began masturbating, I once used peanut butter on my D**K as my dog licked it" She was sooooooo turned on at that point that she told me to open my shirt, unzip my pants and begin to masturbate. I knew her job was to tell people what to do all the time so I said " NO!!! You get your ass over here, on your knees, unzip me (with your mouth) and only then will I allow you to masturbate while watching me!!" she was shocked! But also as aroused as possible. I then did something I will laugh at for many years to come. I told her to remain on all fours, come towards me, moo like a cow...as I milk you! Ahhahahahhahahaahahhahaa...And guess what happened???????? MOOOOOOO!! MOOOOOOO!!! MOOOOOO!!!! And the milking began!! I sometimes just amaze myself. And this was one story too hard to hold in. There were so many more details to this 6 hr. experience, but I am tired of typing for tonight.
The Man