Initially I thought that by writing about my heartache and sharing it with others I would finally get the peace I have been unable to find on my own. Unfortunately it's more like I have opened up the wound and am now reliving the past everyday. I know I'm not the only one dealing with the aftermath of lost love. I must continue to deal with the pain and even though it's incredibly painful I will continue to put myself out there in the world. I feel so lucky to have such great friends and without them I'm not sure I could have gotten this far.
Dealing with the death of a loved one takes time and while no one literally died in this situation, in many ways we both did. I don't mean this to sound as dark as it appears, but you have to understand that in order for me to truly move past the memories I must think of him as died.
Why I still have such intense feelings for someone who is so evil continues to puzzle me. Some days I want to punch him, other days I just want to chat like old times. I hate the fact that I will never ever be able to completely forget about him.
The reality of the break up truly hit me the day I went to see a therapist. I should point out that I had never been to one until that day. But after five months of analyzing and replaying the last month, all the years we were together and ultimately the moment that would change the course of my life, I had gotten no where.
Sitting in the waiting room, flipping thru a two month old People magazine I thought to myself, this is so bizarre and so far from how I ever pictured it ending. It's one thing when you break up with someone and you talk it out and part ways as friends. Months later when you see each other in your new lives, you aren't bitter, if anything you are truly happy for them. In this case, there was no conversation. I thought we were living a happily ever after life until I was blindsided and left wondering where it went wrong.
The upside of bad romance is that you become great friends with bartenders, loss weight and have fabulous new clothes.
SP :)
Hey girl,
ReplyDeleteWow. I ran across your ad today on FB and was intrigued to hear your story. I can totally relate to you in so many ways. I am a writer myself and my heart completely breaks for you. I too feel like writing is so good for therapy of the soul.
Just remember as you write, many women may be able to relate to you, but evil never wins against good. Overcome evil with good. Love always wins in the end.
I believe that over time you will be able to forgive him. Trust me, I understand the pain, but when you forgive, you can release him from the control he has over you already. When we stay in bitterness or offense that person still has control over our hearts.
I would love to meet you someday and really hear your heart on all of this. I am a musician at a church in Ft. Lauderdale called The Harbour. I minister to women in your same situation and because I have received freedom,I've been able to help womene get freedom too. Hope you can check us out someday. I would love to help! www.harbourchurch.org. Blessings girl.